Recent comments by prominent Democrats erroneously suggest the notion that outraged Democrats are limited to making a false choice between the “go high when they go low” mantra of Michelle Obama, and the “kick them when they go low” mantra put forth by Eric Holder, Jr., and seconded by Hillary Clinton.
It is argued that simply complaining about what Republicans are doing invites even worse behavior. The field of assertiveness training teaches that with aggression, the object of one’s actions is to attack the adversary who is violating your rights.
With assertion, however, the object is to lift oneself up, irrespective of what happens to the adversary. To ridicule opponents or to kick them is to follow the obnoxious, aggressive path that has been used by Trump and his acolytes.
In today’s political environment, where respect for rules and convention is flaunted by those in power, simple assertiveness has proven to be ineffective. Another kind of response, aggressive assertiveness, is needed.
Rather than state one’s position in an emotionally neutral, and affectively calm manner, the enraged plaintiff should put genuinely felt anger on display, while maintaining a show of respect, even for an adversary who doesn’t seem to merit it.
When Democrats confronted Brett Kavanaugh about his lying under oath, they alluded to specific lies he uttered, but they did so while suppressing their felt anger.
They failed to stand up and raise their voices to fully reflect the understandable rage that most patriotic Americans experience when they perceive their house being plundered, their democracy being attacked.
At such times, aggressive assertiveness is needed, in the form of unambiguously calling the offender out, and delineating exactly how his words and/or actions constitute an unacceptable attack on the morays of most Americans.
An assertive display of anger is genuine, emotional and unequivocal. It communicates that the offensive words or behavior will not be tolerated or ignored, and that business, as usual, shall not be conducted until this is corrected.
Leonard T. Gries, Ph .D., Psychologist,
Executive Director, Institute for Emotional Health, East Hills
