There is big news in the field of astronomy.
Last week, researchers at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech) announced that they think there is a new part of our solar system yet to discover — a new planet, out beyond Pluto.
One of the researchers trumpeting the “New 9th Planet” is Dr. Michael Brown.
Of course it would be him — he’s the astronomer who “killed” Pluto in the first place, in 2006.
He even bragged about it, in a book entitled, “How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming.” Sure, blame the victim!
I remember that whole fuss from 2006 like it was yesterday.
“All the astronomers met in Prague,” says Brown, and, “They fought like schoolchildren for two weeks.”
But he’s quite wrong. They were worse than schoolchildren.
Which I would know, as I happened to have two live-in schoolchildren, at the time.
“It isn’t fair!” my younger son protested. “Just because Pluto is the littlest planet…”
“… and the slowest,” his bigger, older brother helpfully added…
“…they kick it out of the Solar System!”
I suspected this had something to do with the coat-hanger mobile of the Solar System that the little one had recently brought home.
“Pluto’s still there, honey,” I said. “It’s just a dwarf planet, that’s all.”
“But it’s not allowed to be a regular planet any more! How can they do that?”
“Well, sweetie, they took a vote.”
“That’s ridiculous, mom,” said the older brother, who already considered himself a scientist. “Science isn’t about voting. It’s about reality.”
“I agree,” I told him. Honestly, if we can start voting on things, I vote that fries are a health food, and chocolate is a fruit.
One of the points against Pluto was that it wasn’t enough of a gravitational “bully” to sufficiently “clear its orbit” of debris.
Another was that, if they let Pluto stay a planet, there were too many other celestial bodies they’d have to call planets, too.
To be honest, it reminded me of the way the kids on my block used to join hands and shout “locked game” when they saw someone coming who they didn’t like.
It’s pretty clear that that’s how Dr. Brown feels about Pluto.
Still, I tried to put it in terms my littlest one might understand. “Sweetie pie, if they kept Pluto in, there’d be lots of other small planets, too — and a lot of names to learn.”
“I could manage! I already know Eris, and Sedna.”
“And how would you ever fit them all on your mobile?”
“I’d put a clump of glitter, or something. I could manage. Suppose my name was hard to learn — should they get rid of me, too?”
“Of course not, honey. It’s just that the astronomers have their rules, and Pluto didn’t fit.” No one ever likes the maker of rules.
“But Pluto didn’t do anything wrong! It was just doing what it was always doing!”
“Namely, orbiting inside the orbit of Neptune, half the time…” helped the big brother again.
“So it isn’t perfect.” My little one started to pout.
“… And at a different angle from all the other planets!”
“So it’s different!” His lower lip began to tremble. “Is that any reason to kick it out of the family?”
He had a point.
Where would we be if we could do that to the most vulnerable member of any group?
Suppose we could kick colors out of the rainbow? “Cyan, nobody knows if you’re green or blue, so scram. You’re out of the rainbow.”
Or the alphabet? I’ve never had much use for the letter K.
Half the time, it sits there, silently fooling people about where to look up words like knight and knee-cap; and the rest of its duties can be handled perfectly well by the letter C.
“So beat it, K, you’re outta here!”
And the states! Let’s get rid of Alaska and Hawaii. Alaska’s too cold and Hawaii’s too distant. Who needs ‘em?
So — if you’re a little bit different, and eat your ear of corn around the equator instead of from left to right — should you be kicked out, too?
Does this mean that, when my own little brother came home from the hospital, when I was 2, and yet another, when I was 4 – I could have kicked them out of the family, for being too small; too weak; not clearing their orbit? Too many names to learn?
That was certainly how I felt at the time…but it’s not how families work. Or so I was told.
It’s no way to run a world — or a solar system, either.
So by all means, let’s welcome the new Planet X, or whatever they want to call it — as long as they bring back Pluto, as well.
Somehow, I’m sure they’ll find there’s enough room.
