I was driving south on Route 135, toward Seaford, when I first saw it: a big blue billboard that said “I Love New York,” along with a lot of other stuff.
“I wonder what that’s all about?” I said to myself, but by then I was past the thing.
Oh well, I decided, I’ll figure it out eventually.
I have passed it a few more times in the weeks since then, but I have never gotten any farther in understanding that sign.
As far as I am concerned, that sign is a waste and a menace.
It turns out, I am not alone. The United States Government agrees with me!
As a recent article in the New York Times explained: The United States Department of Transportation has said that that sign — and 513 others like it across the state of New York — is so unreadably cluttered that it poses a hazard to any drivers passing it by.
What’s more, they have told New York State that the signs must go — or else.
The “or else” could be “a range of things, from withholding approval for projects to withholding highway funding,” according to a spokesman for the Department of Transportation.
Alas for us, the irresistible force that is the United States government has met with an immovable object in the person of Gov. Andrew Cuomo.
Apparently, these signs are a pet project of his, and he has refused to comply.
Cuomo thinks that these signs will bring tourists and their money to locations all around New York.
“The goal,” he says,” is to get people who are on the roads off the roads.”
Yes indeed — off the road, and wrapped around one of his signs!
Now, I understand that in a popularity contest between Cuomo and the federal government, most people will select, “What’s my third choice?”
But this is one time I think the Feds have got it right.
The Times article was accompanied by a photo of one of the monstrosities — and now, having had plenty of time to study it, I still can’t figure out what it’s trying to say.
For one thing, it’s got four logos going across — but not just any logos.
They’re all rather complicated.
The only one that’s instantly recognizable is the classic “I (Heart) NY.”
Each of the other three has some kind of design element, along with some lettering — each in a different style and size of type.
Any one of them, by itself, would take all the time you had, passing by, to figure out.
But even if you had done that, you still wouldn’t know anything, because they are completely generic.
They just say “New York State Parks,” “Path Through History,” or “Taste NY.”
They don’t name any nearby landmark, or tell you to get off at the next exit — or, in fact, say anything useful at all.
That means that there’s only enough time, as you drive by, to say to yourself, “Hmm, New York State, nothing to see, nothing to do — and now it’s gone. Wonder what that was all about?”
Worst of all: when you have enough time to boil it down, it turns out that there is one thing the sign was telling us — after all, it wants us to go to an app. An app!
On our phones!
The very things we are supposed to have turned off and locked in the glove compartment!
So now, Cuomo wants us to take them out and fire them up as we’re driving along?
“Uh oh, here’s that big blue sign again! Now how do I do this? The app store? Oh, I push this little button — now I’m waiting, look out!”
And presto, you are stuck, in a non-historical, boring old ditch, at the side of the road.
If you’re lucky, you can read the governor’s app while you wait for the tow truck to come pull you out.
Because those are the only folks who’ll be making money off of these signs — the crews who put them in, and the ones who tow your car to the shop.
It’s pretty obvious Cuomo isn’t driving himself around, these days.
But even if he gave a limo driver to each and every one of us, we still wouldn’t be able to make heads or tails of his signs.
They just don’t make any sense.
A Look On The Lighter Side: Signs of un-intelligent life in New York
By Judy Epstein
